'Honestly I had the best time tonight, I think it might have been the best day of my life. If I died tomorrow I would die happy.' That was the last thing I ever heard from Tom. That's not to say it was the last time I saw him, no one ever really saw him at the end. It's just the way it is when people die I suppose, they tend to fade away just out of vision. There was no note, nothing to explain why he had given up on us, nor a thank you or an apology or anything. I think it was his mom that found him, in the bathtub. She had it the worst really, worse than any of the rest of us.
There was no casket. Wasn't really much of a funeral either really. We all gathered around and meaningless words that no one I knew had wrote were spouted, then we all left and had dainty little foods to try to fill a whole. I don't remember what happened after that. I suppose I must have gotten really drunk, after all there was wine and everyone was doing it. Once I thought I could drown all my sorrows. When you try it for long enough you realize they just tend to float to the surface and they don't need air to survive, they will always be there.
I remember though, maybe a couple of days later, I found something of his. Some jacket or something and I just sat there staring at it. It shouldn't have meant anything, after all it was just clothes. Tom never cared about them, I never did as well, but it became something more than that right at that moment. I suppose, it must have been a symbol to me then. All the grief, all the sorrow, all the hurt, all bottled up into that small thing. I burned it right then and there, almost caught the house on fire. Dad came in and ran out and grabbed a bucket and put it out, but I don't remember that too well. I remember staring at the fire and wishing it would just consume everything.
Suppose that was when I decided to try to do just that. I figured if it all went away then it would be better right? If everyone was dead then it'd be like no one was. Wasn't sure how I was going to do this, after all I was just a fucking kid right, just a bit player in the grand world. That wouldn't last though, after all nothing lasts for that long. Time passed and I still set out to do this great thing, to end the world. I really thought I was something, better than all the other mortals right, basically a god. A god with no followers and no knowledge and no power, yeah I was really something.
Thing I did have though, that was an idea. Turns out idiots will flock to ideas like sheep, or lemmings. Send 'em to a cliff and enough of them will say 'alright', and jump off. Cult is the right word for it I suppose. Went around to colleges, looking for disillusioned young youth like myself, tried to drum up something. Turns out it's pretty easy when the world is set up with so much sadness. Maybe set up is the wrong word, I suppose it simply invites it, it's the humans that do all the nonsense. They have children to fight with, and send them off once they're done with the whole raising thing. Plenty of kids who didn't like that, wanted some revenge.
So we got this movement, most called it the Suicide Club. Bit of a silly name, misnomer really, but it stuck and when something sticks it's damn near impossible to get rid of. So what does any rational human being do when he gets a group of maybe a thousand college students following him? Declare war on the government isn't it. So that's what we did, thought we were so much better than we were and so we declared anarchy in a little town off the side of Michigan. Our final struggle we called it. Problem was, no one seemed to care. We got featured in a few newspapers, television had a thing, and then nothing.
Worst thing for people like us was to get ignored, and it was all that happened. Made the whole group a bit mad right, and when a little insanity sneaks its way into a cult it isn't long before the whole thing goes up in flames. So we decide best thing to do is go kidnap people, start killing them. That'll get the attention of the government we cried as we rampaged through the town. Well, we were right. Got the attention of the police, the military, and a dozen armed countrymen. Turns out when you don't have guns you don't have power.
We had hostages though, and we did the only thing possible. We committed the cardinal sin, and started murdering them. That bit of madness overtook everyone and it all went to shit. The blood started pouring and it didn't end for a night. Next day comes and everyone is standing around bloody, crying, and insane out of their brains. No one could handle it, I know I couldn't. In the end one dozen died and we were all sent to prison for a very long time, especially me. It began with death right, had to end with it. Just the way of things I suppose.
There was no casket. Wasn't really much of a funeral either really. We all gathered around and meaningless words that no one I knew had wrote were spouted, then we all left and had dainty little foods to try to fill a whole. I don't remember what happened after that. I suppose I must have gotten really drunk, after all there was wine and everyone was doing it. Once I thought I could drown all my sorrows. When you try it for long enough you realize they just tend to float to the surface and they don't need air to survive, they will always be there.
I remember though, maybe a couple of days later, I found something of his. Some jacket or something and I just sat there staring at it. It shouldn't have meant anything, after all it was just clothes. Tom never cared about them, I never did as well, but it became something more than that right at that moment. I suppose, it must have been a symbol to me then. All the grief, all the sorrow, all the hurt, all bottled up into that small thing. I burned it right then and there, almost caught the house on fire. Dad came in and ran out and grabbed a bucket and put it out, but I don't remember that too well. I remember staring at the fire and wishing it would just consume everything.
Suppose that was when I decided to try to do just that. I figured if it all went away then it would be better right? If everyone was dead then it'd be like no one was. Wasn't sure how I was going to do this, after all I was just a fucking kid right, just a bit player in the grand world. That wouldn't last though, after all nothing lasts for that long. Time passed and I still set out to do this great thing, to end the world. I really thought I was something, better than all the other mortals right, basically a god. A god with no followers and no knowledge and no power, yeah I was really something.
Thing I did have though, that was an idea. Turns out idiots will flock to ideas like sheep, or lemmings. Send 'em to a cliff and enough of them will say 'alright', and jump off. Cult is the right word for it I suppose. Went around to colleges, looking for disillusioned young youth like myself, tried to drum up something. Turns out it's pretty easy when the world is set up with so much sadness. Maybe set up is the wrong word, I suppose it simply invites it, it's the humans that do all the nonsense. They have children to fight with, and send them off once they're done with the whole raising thing. Plenty of kids who didn't like that, wanted some revenge.
So we got this movement, most called it the Suicide Club. Bit of a silly name, misnomer really, but it stuck and when something sticks it's damn near impossible to get rid of. So what does any rational human being do when he gets a group of maybe a thousand college students following him? Declare war on the government isn't it. So that's what we did, thought we were so much better than we were and so we declared anarchy in a little town off the side of Michigan. Our final struggle we called it. Problem was, no one seemed to care. We got featured in a few newspapers, television had a thing, and then nothing.
Worst thing for people like us was to get ignored, and it was all that happened. Made the whole group a bit mad right, and when a little insanity sneaks its way into a cult it isn't long before the whole thing goes up in flames. So we decide best thing to do is go kidnap people, start killing them. That'll get the attention of the government we cried as we rampaged through the town. Well, we were right. Got the attention of the police, the military, and a dozen armed countrymen. Turns out when you don't have guns you don't have power.
We had hostages though, and we did the only thing possible. We committed the cardinal sin, and started murdering them. That bit of madness overtook everyone and it all went to shit. The blood started pouring and it didn't end for a night. Next day comes and everyone is standing around bloody, crying, and insane out of their brains. No one could handle it, I know I couldn't. In the end one dozen died and we were all sent to prison for a very long time, especially me. It began with death right, had to end with it. Just the way of things I suppose.
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