Long time no writing

You know what the worst thing in the world is?

No

not that

not genocide

murder

rape

those are all awful

but I'm terribly selfish

The worst thing in the world

is dreaming

not of the future

the past

or the present

not really

It is

dreaming of those we lost

like they're alive

they've come back

But not really

it's all a fucking lie

and when you wake up

then it really hits you

Like the worst thing in the world.

Unhappiness

Sometimes it is all-consuming
Others just the fly
Buzzing
Always at the ear but never really
there

Doesn't matter though
Same feeling
Just smaller
Less intense

It is not hate
not for life
more of a dull
pain

s
t
r
e
t
c
h
i
n
g

on for ever and ever

It is what fills your mind with doubt
It is why you didn't ask her out
It isn't the cause though
Merely a symptom

If you can't ask for help
You can't treat the symptom
If you can't treat the symptom
Then the cause is too far off
If it is too far gone
Then I may as well be too.